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Assis i  propos des toilettes minuscules, Max essayait maladroitement d’enfiler le costume des annees precedentes.

5th May 2022

Assis i  propos des toilettes minuscules, Max essayait maladroitement d'enfiler le costume des annees precedentes.

Ca allait et venait autour de lui, sans discontinuer, des voix, des pietinements, des cris et des rires.

Des trucs rassurants, des jolis sons qui donnent le sourire. Comme il n'y avait pas de a, il craignait sans arret d'etre decouvert dans cette posture ridicule, 1 homme bedonnant a toutes les yeux fatigues, rentrant le ventre Afin de entrer dans le deguisement du Pere Noel. Cela avait grossi ces deux derniers mois, « effet secondaire des medicaments », lui avait explique le medecin. Le psychiatre de l'hopital. Monsieur Travers. Ca l'avait fera rire, ce nom. C'etait plutot lui qui allait de travers, a en croire Stephanie. Cela etait tout de travers, meme. « Vous perdrez tout ca reellement vite en reprenant le sport et en faisant un brin attention a votre alimentation. C'est normal de connaitre une phase de depression apres une experience comme la votre. Ne vous en faites gui?re, c'est juste transitoire, ne vous occupez que de retrouver une vie calme et equilibree, une vie de famille. Mes medicaments devraient vous aider En outre ce ne va i?tre plus qu'un mauvais souvenir. »

Bien sur. Deja, il hurlait moins souvent la nuit, contenait ses angoisses dans des limites tolerables et reussissait a emerger de le lit pour emmener les enfants a l'ecole. Stephanie revenait dormir avec lui souvent, dorenavant. Elle ne se plaignait jamais, elle ne disait pas grand chose mais des longs regards qu’il J'ai sentait poser via lui a la derobee etaient clairs. Ses mouvements de recul parfois aussi.

Et donc, le Pere Noel. Il avait dit oui, bien sur, quand la maitresse de Timothee le lui avait propose, parce que celui-ci le faisait avant, c'etait aussi le grand joie de passer de classe en classe au milieu des cadeaux, des bonbons, les chocolats et les bisous emmoustaches de nylon blanc.

Juliette adorait ca, quand elle est en maternelle. Mais le costume etait quelque peu serre, dorenavant. Et la perruque sentait bizarre, le moisi et la poussiere. Il avait oublie de bien ranger convenablement avant de partir, la derniere fois.

Un bruit de pas, et les encouragements d'une jeune cousine accompagnes d'une petite voix claire qui pepie gentiment. Zut, pris en flag. L'Atsem croisa son regard et sourit :- Oh, viens, Joanna, il faut aller en toilettes des grands, on ne peut nullement utiliser celles-ci, depuis un probleme !- Ah bon ? Elles paraissent cassees ? Clin d'oeil complice de l'Atsem a Max qui se rendit compte, une fraction de seconde trop tard, que j'ai ete lui, le souci. C'etait bien ainsi qu'il se voyait aussi.

Deux mois qu'il est rentre. Il avait eu le sentiment que tout redeviendrait normal, un coup a la maison. Qu'il suffirait de devenir en bras de Stephanie et d'embrasser Juliette et Timothee afin que bien soit comme avant. Il l’avait sincerement cru.

Ce n'etait nullement sa faute. « Ne culpabilise gui?re, ce n'est jamais ta faute. Tu en as vu de dures, je sais. Tu me raconteras quand tu pourras, ne t'en fais nullement amoureux. Je pourrais recevoir. Je t'aime. On t'epouse extri?mement l'ensemble des trois, on reste la avec toi. Occupe-toi d’aller mieux avant bien. »Ce n'etait nullement sa faute. Ce n'etait aussi pas sa faute. Et il n'aurait gui?re du etre la, chatki ce n'etait nullement le tour. Remplacement impromptu. Il avait evoque oui, il disait i  chaque fois oui. Concernant le sourire des personnes, Afin de leur visage qui s'illumine brievement, pour etre aime, pour ne point deplaire. Parce que c'est plus facile.

« Comment ca, tu pars ?

Mais votre ne devait jamais etre avant l'annee prochaine. On avait prevu des vacances tous ensemble, Afin de une fois. Merde, Max, non, tu peux gui?re faire ca ! »Elle avait crie, alors qu’elle ne le faisait pas, elle avait pleure aussi, elle est tellement decue. Et lui tel votre con, commande au piege de son incapacite a dire non. Pour prouver qu’on pouvait lui faire confiance, qu’il valait quelque chose, qu’on pouvait compter concernant lui. Les autres, oui, mais jamais sa cousine. Manque votre fois-la. C'etait dur i  sa place de se retrouver toute seule au milieu des enfants, jongler avec toutes les contraintes et les corvees, maintenir un semblant de bonheur familial sans lui. De toute facon, il n'etait bon a que dalle. Cela avait tout foire, mauvais pere, mauvais mari, mauvais homme. Un rate. Sa mission aussi, il l'avait foiree. On ne lui demanderait plus rien, comme ca au moins, Stephanie serait contente. Cela ne la verrait plus jamais pleurer a cause de ces missions a la con. C’etait aussi bien.